Angel Watching My Back

I ask for a sign... and I always find an answer!

There is always an explanation, if we are willing to look deeply enough for the answer. It takes courage to want to know the future. It takes courage to accept our own pasts. It takes faith to believe that we are all worthy of divine love and a worthy life....

Life is meant to be understood. Life is not mysterious. There are explanations for everything that happens in our lives. But have you ever felt that you already knew the answer to what you were asking for? Have you ever felt the need to ask "Why me"?

How easily we pass off the divine as "coincidence" or "mistakes" or "unexplained." Sometimes it's hours or days or years before we finally "get it." How many time have you felt the the hair on the back of your neck rising to attention or the sudden chill running down your spine...
You're being contacted every day and every night. But are you watching? Are you listening to that distant yet inner voice that keep calling out to you?

Trust that your guardian angels are guiding you, every step of the way. But who are the angels? What do they do? Are they really those blonde-haired creatures with long, white robes and feathered wings, who hover in the clouds plucking idly at their harp strings? Are they those dear friends who stand by you while in dire straits? Are they your parents who don't ask questions but still stand by you forever without passing any judgments? Are they your kins who sit with you and help you analyze things, who help you make your own decisions? Or are we talking about something different? What do I mean when I want to quote from a song once I had heard a long time a go...

They silently hold me,
With their mighty wings,
When I cry the console me,
With the songs they sing,
When I sleep they watch over me,
Fan away evil things,
These are my angels, over me

Said we don’t even notice,
The protection they give,
Fell as asleep on the road, and yet
I continued to live,
Sometimes I even wished that they
Wouldn’t answer my call,
But unwavering angels,
They just won’t let me fall

It really struck a chord with me... and so I decided to find my angel and give it the right place and space in my life...

Here it is... my angel... watching my back!

... And my outlook on life... being my guide to life... and giving me that strength to believe that no matter what happens to me, good or bad, there will always be something to balance it, and when things do get bad, one, they’ll get better at some point, and two, there is always someone trying to watch my back... being my costant watchdog.... in whatever’s going on... in order to help me make it through it. Always trying to get me to the right spot, at the right time to discover my guides for myself!

Angels - a way of life for me... my story ... my life and my spirit

Windmills of My Mind!

Two months of rapidly passing overcast clouds, shadowed thoughts fly and the blur is welcome.

Introspection? In gallons, flowing into every landscape of the mind, and entering every re-lived and once believed conversations. The face of the man from city of the minar who showed me dreams... and snatched away my right to sleep... and never cared.... never tried ... never bothered to give it back to me...

Days and Nights of moaning sirens, sleepless and speechless nights....then the mornings where all I hear is the wind in the trees, somebody's loud conversation in the middle of nowhere and my mind where stories are waiting to be written.

Tonight just like all the previous nights sleep eludes me - I float from my book to computer to the balcony, watching the ocassional lights of early morning and listening to the hurried yet tired cars zip past.

The night hours stumble into one another as all nights have.... A routine that created itself and now heaves upon me every night. Outside it is nearly always the same; a dull night yawning under the shadows of the day that has past....

Tonight, the reminder that I can hope to leave the weakest links of my life behind me, but... At night, when all is invisible and is the most intimate, the pink curtains on my windows, turn in the darkness, and I can’t distinguish between the two most intimate sounds. One of heartbeat, and the other of the fan blades. In between, my breaths seem to float into oblivion. This sensitivity to everything that moves, but numbness to everything that is.

Being alone, sometimes brings out the darkest sides of me. Not that I fight them. But sometimes, just the fierceness of my own feelings, chokes me.

As the old adage goes

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

When someone was never yours to begin with, was there anything there to lose? In a world where you can get whatever you want, how is it you can still be left empty in the end? Can you ultimately find what was left behind? Why is it that the bonds that connect people so tightly can also rip us apart?

I'm in an odd mood these days, with a touch of melancholy. There is a song that just popped right into my head and won't go away. Maybe putting some of its lines on the blog here will do the trick?

I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leaving, someone swept your heart away
From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'

Then tell me one thing more before I go
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone

It's just a dream of mine is comin' to an end
How can I blame you when I built my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreamin'
I need you know, it's more than I can take
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreamin'
Now that your dream has come true...

- Micheal Bolton

Hungama Captured!

The Hungama Pantry...



We've spent some good times... Coffee with alot of Flies (see above pic), tea, Bitching Sessions... Some Rainy Memories and more....


The Creative Content Team :) Ishan...or "shall i say Ishi", Mitali, Neha and Aanchu Baby


OK Now... Neha, Pragya... and Kadam


Neha doing lots of Hungama... with the coffee mug atleast! and Dont miss the froggy look... :)


Tejas Tanna... My Nemesis @ Hungama... the only person who can give me nightmares bout work.... will miss u and Vodafone.... (I got the spelling right Tejas)


The Chutney mawa...


THE IMLI ... There i see people drooling already....




and that's the man who provides us with all of the above.... :)


Laxmi's Special Chai... (ext 117)


and thats my chai buddy... Aanchu


Neha's famous Dabba with the Kutte Ka biscuit and some yummy chiwda....


And thats fair enough... Shall I say... Ishan Mehta with his beloved Phone... U sure u talk to gals only na... and not the fone itself...


Now thats... Rakesh.... and his gang... and Our famous chai ka glass....


SMS URMI to 54646 to get info about her... :) The only person who thinks "OUR" jokes are funny and vice versa... and then theres Deepa...


Niiirruuuuu and my partner in the 'SRK' crime....


Janta


Rashmi, Reshma... Dipesh....

What a Journey it has been.... :) some good memories and some bad ones... Will miss all of it....

Miles to go before I sleep!

In the corporate world, farewell mails are commonplace. It is customery to thank your peers/team/ bosses and leave on a nostalgic and cordial note. Who knows, you may have to work with them sooner than you think. People who you have spent 10 hours of your weekdays gone out for dinner with, make their way out of your life with calculated ease. The push of the 'send' button and poof, all obligations are put to rest.
However, every now and then, some people come along and strike chords and stay connected with, not as a social obligation. and they are the ones i am going to miss the most...

In a few days it will be my last day at work and It will be time for the expected farewell mail to reach people's inbox,and most have a fair idea of its content and intentions. However, since a few days I find myself sitting motionless, staring at my monitor, and at a complete loss for words, even actions sometimes with the way nostalgia and leaving jitters have clouded me.
Creating Hungama with a certain set of people somehow didn't just strike a chord, it strummed one hell of a sequence, and I know I want to stay connected to them for times unending and years to come.

Neha Sabherwal - I still owe her dinner
For being the person you are- straightforwardly enigmatic, and for being the leader and friend you have been - simply brilliant!
You will always hold a special place in my heart for inspiring me to pull up my socks take action and start off all over again. For all the constructive criticism, for the uncomplicated friendship, for god-knows-how-many-books-dinners-and-colaba-causeway-sprees, for the appropriately timed messages, for those frog eyed dirty looks (forever etched in my mind), for taking punctuation to a whole new level… Of course, none of this changes the fact that I still owe YOU dinner!!! Hehe…

When I saw her blog about me that evening I was touched, and since then, there have had a million things I have wanted to tell her... and as everyone knows I am mostly at a loss of expression... so Here it is.... Thank You...
- for being there for me
- for being witness to my fall (literally)
- for being there everytime i have to get my swollen right feet moving (even though it meant taking my hand and dragging me, exchanging footwear for my comfort.....)
- for calling me KHUBU, after which everyone now calls me that in office... :)
- for having started to blog again
- for teaching me how to be a child at one minute and a demanding leader in the next
- for making work something to look forward to
- for showing me an intesnsity unknown for people she loves, for her hometown, for a mere tree - witness to her childhood woes and wants.... and of course, ...
- for finishing my dabbas, poking the hell out me, to reminding me how many things i have promised her we'd do together
- for massaging my legs right in the middle of the office when i am in pain
- for making me see clear and so many things unsaid and unheard. :) Thank you Nia... Owe you!

Kabootar... Ja Ja Ja... a.k.a. Priyanka Kadam
One comes across so many people in an organisation, You hate some and you love some... My initial Hungama Days when i had come across Kabootar... I had been apprehensive and hesitant about getting to know her... Dont know why... maybe because of her straightforwadness which has always been dipped in sarcasm and meaness.... :) or maybe it was just me...

Anyways... Time flew and not the Kabootar... She stayed and has become one of the most cherished friends I have made here... and with whom i have shared a million taxi rides, so much gossip, so many stupid jokes, which only both of us find funny...

Fun, Masti, Coffee, Laughs, Stupid sms conversations, antakshari on sms, being mean to each other yet loving it ... loads of , sometimes intelligent conversations, my microwave buddy, my corn stealer and just so many things... :-( ...Kabootar Do miss me... Drink all the appys you can in my memory... but leave the chotus for me... they need to grow... and they have so much to learn in life before they can be devoured... I have seen her grow from the person i first knew to what she is today... Dont change... Keep in touch and as you would say... If you miss me you will fly down to meet me... Will keep a look out for you in the skies...

Priyanka ki baat ki aur Rakesh na yaad aaye... yeh badi na insafi hai...

Rakesh - My Constant Irritation
He just needs a reason to irritate me... Who is going to fight for my paani ka bottle from now on.. Who will pretend to slip every time he comes to my desk... Who will comment on the food i get... Who is going to talk about me with the Cabbies.... Who will scream "Bachao" out of a cab only for no one to hear him?

Who? ........

Thank you for teaching me how to play pool... and telling me that "its all about the attitude" :) and these days i see all you guys following me... You play with the "Red" ball and not the white one.... (remember)

.... and No I am not going to give you a treat at Dominos... nor ever will i get you pepsi... :) and I know Hungama will be never the same for you without me.... :-)

Praggy Baby - Idea actually changed her life.
Pragya Sharma... My partner in crime when it comes to torturing Nia... We've had such good times together... had so many "bitching" sessions together in the pantry... yes Prags... you actually have become negative... thats what this place has done to you... :) but dont worry its for our good...

Look up to her for her knowledge of the industry, her initations and innovativeness at work even though she refuses to give herself the credit... That reminds me we have to work on ur CV... :)

Health freak, except when it comes to cakes... Praggy actually lusts after cakes... :) and can actually fight for it and have it tooo... The one person who deserves and is worth so much more that what she is getting right now... praggy keep in touch or will not give you any cake on my farewell :)

Some-sher Khan --- Humesha Moje mein rehta hai....
This stupid kid at Bollywood Hungama is one guy who actually stands on my head for work to get done... cracks the most silliest jokes possible, expecting everyone to laugh... has made a new friend in Mitali... and has told me a million filmy stories...

My partner in crime for making fun of people in office... for coming up the most stupidest comments and conversations ever.... and laughing our hearts out at them... Wish him good luck and load of success...

These are hard times. I will be leaving Friends and these last few days with them has been, apart from the inevitable nostalgia exercise, an eye-opener. These are guys I’ve looked up to in many ways (though I know they’ve also looked up to me in others - blogging, you see, isn’t the only Mutual Admiration forum!) - partly because they always seemed much surer about career direction than I was.

It was hard to call it quits. It was a long time coming, overdue, but still it's sad to leave something I've contributed to for more than a year. It was someplace, where I actually enjoyed. But like all relationships, people grow and change, and eventually it will be time to leave as I have miles to go before i sleep... miles to go before i sleep...

Woe-man

Ok seemed to have forgotten to publish this post.... Its quite an old one... which i recently discovered in my drafts :) nevertheless.... Take a read!

Sometimes, I hate being a woman for... the obvious reasons listed below.

Bleeding: Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. There is nothing redeeming about leaking blood for 4 days in a row. And yet, worrying about having irregular periods - a constant questions on my child-bearing chances.
* Cramping: thats not too much of a problem i face... but i see other around me... holding stomach... doing the ohh.. and aahs...cramps that make them want to kill themselves. The debilitating stomach ache combined with the crippling back ache - ah! Ooh and Ouches
* WAXING & THREADING: #$%&**#$%^&****#$%^Need I say more?
* PMS: One minute we’re happy, the next we’re suicidal. This is the one time I feel sorry for everyone around me. As women we have some idea of what it’s like to go through this pendulum of emotions, but as a man this must be the strangest, most unfathomable phenomenon!Wait!

Why the **** am I feeling sorry for men? They just have to watch us go through this, not actually feel the crap we feel while we’re PMSing. And I’m not even going to touch upon the social and culturals inequities that are thrust upon our gender.

Why this rant? I don’t know. Maybe I’m PMSing.

Au Revoir - Two Double-O Seven

This has been one hell of an eventful year. Well What do I say...I've been one hell of a busy girl.

And to think that in one of our I'm-so-bored-what-about-you conversations, someone had told me that what I really need, is to do something drastic. Like get married. And get divorced the next day!!! he he he... U wish! :-)

Right.

Life doesn't come with an instruction book. Which is particularly unfair because life's tough. And while this has been said many zillion times before, we don't really give a thought of whats been happening in each chapter of our autobipgraphy...

Anyway, here's What I learnt in 2007.

I write better than I think I do.
People actually read what I write. And enjoy it.
Every single person in the industry will have a different opinion on your work. You need to acknowledge that (but not accept it as the final call) and move on.
I really have no idea what I'm capable of doing, until suddenly I've gone and done it. This scares the pants or should i say salwars off me.
It's best to embrace your feminine side and say, "kolhapuri Chappals? Hell yeah!
You have to be very careful of what you wish for because the man up above (God for the ignorant) loves loopholes.

In my case, this realisation has just about entered my conscious.... 2 years too late.

If you're even half the person you make yourself out to be, people will like you anyway.
Life goes on. One year onto the next.... with just the celebrations at the end to keep you company...

Well! All I can say is... Buh Bye 2007 ... it was great to have Known u...

Aapan Yala Pahelat ka?

Have you seen this person?

She was last seen blogging around this blog and has not been heard of for some days now. All we found is this picture. Help us tracing the whereabouts of this soul as we know how important it is for all you reading right now that she keeps blogging for your entertainment! (attempt to murder with stares, pinches and god alone knows what not!)

Here is a rundown of some of her distinct features... for you to help unearth her....

1. Most of the days she wakes up late having forgotten to set the alarm the previous night and is seen or say unseen by her family whizzing in and out of doors.
2. Grooms herself in record time and knowingly ignores those small unidentified stains on her outfit.
3. Reaches 30 minutes late to work and hopes no one notices, blames it all on her "insomnia" phenomenon.
4. Gets caught in dusty winds passing through her cab windows all the time and ends up looking like an electrocuted cat. (Rakesh are you reading?)
5. Gets kicked around for not informing, forgetting or rather unintentionally slipping people out of her mind... afterwhich shes showered with superlative filled messages and comments.
6. Smiles through clenched teeth (still looking cute) when ma calls to remind her of the evening wedding reception and that shes to dress up since shes the eligible in town. Oh Man... Y Y Y... the woes of being in your late 20s...
7. Falls on her feet and thanks God for giving her some releavant topic to write for her blog and sighs, thinks of her exercise and diet routine and a ballooning back with a much deeper sigh.
   

We are currently trying to dig her out of her boredom and get her to finish some of the posts that she has been accumulating on a notepad along with her growing pile of unwanted clothes at home which threatenes to flow out of her door and cause a tsunami into the coridoor.
Meanwhile keep her in your thoughts and wish her speedy recovery onto this blog.

Windmills of your mind

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of a song
Half-remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
You were suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the colour of her hair
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
- Dusty Springfield

This song always reminds me of all that I've lost, and all that I may have found. Things. Clothes, Books, People, Scribbles - and I had many. To the memories I've spun, to lots of laughter and conversations, to friendship and love...It takes a loss to unlock memories. But now there are only echoes of symphonies. This week has been mostly Blank. The enormity of stories around, of experiences and so much more. Time to absorb, to formulate responses. Sigh! Such a long journey, but still have miles and miles and miles, thousands of them, everywhere I turn

Distances... Within!

I came across this article on a friend's blog and was amazed at what it said.... because it said what I want to... so naturally... so precisely... as if its me whos written it... It says all that my heart does ... so i though i would post it here... as i cant find another perfect way...

It's an article by Ms. Shipra Shrivastava on an HT tabloid site i visited after catching this on someone elses blog...

Oh this long distance love!

"It is very well said that "distances grow fondness among people". It indeed creates fondness but takes a toll of emotions, efforts, time, energy and many times tears to keep it going. I might sound like a 'guru' of relationships but no; I am myself a victim and member of the Long Distance Club.

I guess people are right when they say that men are from mars and women are from Venus. 'We' are so different in every way. Apart from being different biologically, we are different to a great extent in the way we think. Something which holds great importance for me might just be a normal issue for my boyfriend.

And of course, dare I disturb him when he is at work. "I am busy. I have work. We will talk when I get back home" This is the response I get. But these things are quite a normal feature and easy to handle when you stay in the same city, meet everyday and can always explain things and make up for it if something goes wrong. But what happens when you are trying to measure the relationship across thousands and thousand miles on the globe?

And how can I forget the time factor? I mean why do we have different time zones? It's like when one is free to talk, the other one would be snoring and vice versa. When I call my boyfriend and ask him to come online, he is either sleeping, or at gym, or at work and ultimately either I stay awake till morning waiting for him.... What pain!

With the advent of technology and the conversion of the world into a small global village, we find it quite easier to contact people through emails and chat programs.... Email might sound as a substitute for phone calls but it is surely not. The tone, language and intensions can be often misinterpreted and infact that's exactly what happens. But then being a little diplomatic on emails is much better than being answerable for looong phone bills. And phones? What can I say for them? The time you call, you are more worried about keeping the phone down thinking about the huge amount of tariff on international calls and at the same time you end up discontented and unhappy for not being able to express what you really wanted to.

There are surely times when one starts remembering all the good moments spent together and the next thing is you pick up your phone and start dialing. But what if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't answer? You call again? Again he/she doesn't answer? Here is when our minds start going on a wild goose chase. Has he run away? Has he started dating someone else? He must be with a girl, that's why he is not taking my call and so on and so forth. And in the end, one ends up being unhappy and upset. I call these MUS - "Missing U Syndrome"

To sum it up in one word, Trust is an important thing in any relationship but it is the "most" important thing in long distance relationship. It is like a stone on which the relationship rests. It can make thousands of miles seem like just a phone call away.

A huge list of things including phone calls, letters, cards, gifts, sweet messages, voicemails, SMS, emails, chats and so on are needed to keep a long distance relationship alive and kicking. And one should always remember, Distance is not the end of the world in a relationship. Rather at many times it's the beginning and a strong one. How? Well, I said in the beginning, "Distances grow fondness among people". And trust me…it surely does!!!"

Fairy Tales...Really?

Books lie scattered. A glass of water teeters on the edges of The Maximum City that lies close by waiting to be read. I pace. I sit back to write. Everything is hazy except the space filled with words. Words arranged a certain way, words that want to say specific things but I don't seem to get the arrangement right. Voices of people jostle for space in my head.

Today words seem wild, unmanageable. Theres this vehement need to restrain them and I love this feeling. This absorption of the body, mind and soul while creating - the restlessness outside and the stillness deep inside me.

Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and of course not to forget Cinderella - I believed in those fairy tales. They promise us a world that is not! As we grow up and get into the real world, we have our innocence kicked out of us everyday. In my case, what little was left, I was holding onto it for dear life But Alas! Now No More....

Experiences of people around me has started troubling me. Can you love and hate someone at the same time? Can you wish someone out of your life, while knowing you'd be the first one to miss them if they were gone? Why does life take such sudden turns and Why are you stranded at such a crossroad all alone?

Don't you sometimes wish that people could read your mind? That you didn't have to say, they just knew? That you didn't always have to ask, they would just say what you wanted to hear. I've been feeling like that for the last few days. And then I realized how futile it is and It's just hard to snap out of it.

STILL, I can't shake those tales off. Damn them! Everything I've seen in the movies, sung or swooned over in books is turning out to be baloney. My romance with life seems to have come to an end and I feel like somehow I am supposed to realise it and shake it off…But something inside me just doesnt let me... just tells me that it'll fly by. And my smile might just reach my eyes again.

I think I just want what everyone wants, something real, that I can't corrupt with my pessimism. And I want to share these moments with somebody and have them feel it too. But where's my joy? Right now somewhere faraway…. I Guess! :-(

Bhaiya Sion Jayega?

"So where did all that water come from?" That's probably your question.

And it was mine as well as I waded through ankle-deep slimy water towards slumped shadows seeking refuge, from a strong evening shower just around the corner at Laxmi.
"The heavens," some would say but am not quite sure... Oh i can see some of my office mates shaking their head in wonder.... am sure at my sense of humour.... Ah! I know I know... if looks could kill I would have been dead with R, P and N's stares...

Getting back to our wettime story ... Yonder, a taxi had stopped and the spray of the filthy water mushroomed in delight of catching up to the car but before any of us could even get our voices past the music of the raindrops it had vanished.

Priyanka and myself, after a hardly working day, (attempt to murder with another stare) had only enough energy to stretch an arm out and say, 'Bhaiya Sion Jaega?' to which we recieved a prompt 'King Circle mein paani hoga toh wahi ruka dunga" Well, So much for choices... Those are the cabbies for you.... Our saviours.... The taxi lurched and the water took to chase again.

Hide and Seek

As I sit here with everyone else in bed, now seemed as good a time as any to say hello. I had dinner with a friend the other night, and he asked me (again) if I was ever going to take up blogging as a profession. I want to, I really do but the only problem is that when you write for a living, writing on a blog can be real difficult. I say “can be” because I know plenty of writers who maintain glorious blogs; I just don’t know if I can be one of them.

As usual, I have a million different ideas in my head, and I want to write about them all but don't really know if anyone would be interested in reading them as much i would writing them.

An office friend today wasnt too happy with my last post... thought ' it was senti' didnt have the usual spark that my previous posts have had.... and it made me think.... what had happened suddenly... What has triggered off this emotional adventure... Sometimes I think I have a lot to say and just put it up here in words.... but then I realize that it is nothing but a conversation I am having with myself, putting up feelings that I probably never would tell anyone, maybe not even myself. After 26 years, I’ve suddenly realized that I have never listened to myself with even half the care or concern I’ve given others.

Anyway, life is doing fine dear reader (the one who is around). I do not know what value this blog will ever hold for you or for me. For me, It just seems like an elaborate game of hide and seek i play with myself. What about you?

...Pitter Patter...

There is certainly a lot of magic in Mumbai's monsoon. Of course, it is hard to hide away from what we get to normally see, when we snake our way through the working day, lost in our thoughts and memories that plague our mundane daily existence.

But when the rains turn up, like they did today, while walking back home with only my own reflection and the rains for company, it was indeed sheer magic. For most parts I was rediscovering silence. I was rediscovering nothingness. I have a million memories to let go of and thousands of instances to step aside. But strangely, the rain wrapped itself around me not ready to let anything go. There was almost a feeling of mutual acknowledgement, but that’s just my imagination speaking.

Raindrops played tricks on my window panes, The twin towers yonder danced to the tunes of the rains, then fade away in verdant mist, so near and yet so far. I hear a slow sigh of relief expelled by the sky. Finally, an unburdened soul, dark and widespread. It can’t feel, but it does touch you. It can't speak, but it certainly walks with you.

Past Continous!

For the first time in nearly a year, I stood in the room where I had spent my earliest days. My old little wooded bedroom. It felt so strange and so spooky as if it was just yesterday i had been here.

If it’s true that we leave a part of ourselves, in every place we ever spent our lives in then imagine the ghosts that might dwell in the space where I spent my childhood? Look! - There’s me, getting up in the morning all sulky and bleary-eyed, making excuses for not going to school, reading about Nancy Drew's huge crush on Ned, post-its' gooey marks on the wall - their own lil 'forget me nots', stickers lining my mirrior doing their best to hold onto the past, my favourite books in a neat little row on the bookshelf just yonder and my brothers barging in on my birthday every year, until now!

I hadn’t been to my place in over 6 months and I hadn’t even thought about it, but when I stood in it today, it felt as if nothing had changed, which seemed wierd and sentimental as I know, for everything has changed.

Until Next time!

One precious hour was all I had, and is all that I have to remember him by until the next time...

I know I'm going away
How I wish....wish it weren't so
Take this time to be with me
Let's delay our misery

Save tonight
Come tomorrow

'Cause girl you know I've got to go
Lord I wish it wasn't so

I don't realise the distance when he isn't here, but when he is and then leaves, it hits me and it's unbearable.... but theres always until next time!

A Room with a View

I sat here one evening and looked out my room window and this is what I saw.



Darkness! Beckoning! as if to say- "Let me set you free!" for it gives me hope and it keeps me waiting ... in want to see if there’s a real me. Light filters and covers me with its mask, leaving me to my small little world, a world that makes me see that it’s for me to set myself free...

Woman - Get a Life!

One of my morning's post was quite a sad one so i went ahead and deleted it. Even I, while reading it, was thinking to myself, "Man, someone get this woman a life. And quickly." The low self esteem corner is already quite overbooked. Even the violins aren't playing the right tune.

I never wanted to be a copywriter. For one, I've never believed I was creative. For who in their right mind would want to spend 15 hours in an office with a bunch of people who have toys lining their desks. :-) But I slipped on logical reasoning and landed in a job in which really, I have no business being. I can't write a headline or a tagline or transliterate in Hindi. I get my Hindi bits checked by 3 ppl and all their looks say just one simple thing - "Isko writer kisne banaya" :-)

Ok! So let's pretend that I'm retiring and there are five things about me that somewhere an old hag is paying big money to know about.

1. I always read the back of the book before I read it. It's nice to know whether my time will be worth it in the end and I don't do sad endings.
   
   
2. I often feel that I'm in the wrong profession and for a fact I have absolutely no idea what the right profession actually is.
   
   
3. I'm a chronic approval seeker. So if you tell me you love me, I think I'm pretty much perfect. :-)
   
   
4. This post is getting boring. and My leg just broke off (just checking if I've lost you as yet.)
   
   
5. Am wondering if you'll ever comeback and visit my blog...

All my writings and musings sound and look like novels. Well that aint so bad is it? because thats what eventually I want to do. Atleast somethings are turning out for the good, right?

A doodle---of sorts

A few assorted thoughts on a Tuesday evening and In case you're wondering, this blog which had been my online home since first venturing into the blogosphere some time in early 2005, got taken over and squatted by some idiot. Unfortunately, in my subsequent efforts to get back my original posts, all of the old content got munged. Frankly, it's just too much of a brainache to try to figure out if i could rewrite it. So do Drop by this new place and see what's happening!. The new blog really is much, much more interesting. Really.

Month and weeks since I've written in here as I haven't known what to write. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen as thats what blogs used to be to me but Just for the record, let me say that I was wrong..

I once drew a sketch without any plan and I had fun drawing it and now it stands on my pin up board at work and am proud of it. This is a doodle---of sorts. So i am going to treat this 'mindset' of mine a slate for me to doodle in and have fun.

It's here that i will try and book my life. My life - just another blog with all the other blogs out there. It's more a place for me to talk about the things that I love, a place where i put my life into words and try making sense of it... So instead of trying to post up quickly, I'll give myself some time to see how my impressions grow but that said, every once in a while, I'm just too excited to wait and today is one of those times - the reason for so many posts in one single day. Phew quite an orfer nevertheless fun!

It's going to be bizarre seeing my writings and realising that they won't belong to me anymore and everyone can peek into. And hopefully now at long, long last, i can move along and think that these are just words, just, just words... But it hasn't been easy letting go of them. U Bet!

Whos mind minds us?

Musings of my dis-mangled mind…

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I -I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference".

- Robert Frost (1916)

Ever wondered whether we are actually what we want ourselves to be? Aren't we just a part of a system, which manipulates the way we think, the way we act, and in short everything we do on this planet right from day one you are designated as male or female? We are so socialized by the system in a way that we can often hear others thinking for us? So who sets the standards? It's the system! Aren't we actually doing what the system wants us to do? And what's more, the so called liberating views and concepts is what sustains and keeps the system alive.

Well not true for Life has undoubtedly turned topsy turvy for me since inception! From a life of chilling out, 'intellectual debates' and a lot of literature,I was suddenly face to face with real issues and real problems, and for me, a life to do good. Though the future roads seemed ominous and unpromising, motivation always cajoled us to take another step forward without getting mangled on the one way track that’s was more easier and glamorous. Each one of us have a different mantra of motivation- party, music, pep talks, great people, meaningful axioms, but for me its the mere picture of my destination. Whatever be the case, motivation always keeps the fire in the belly burning, making me work with a determination that brooks no compromise. However, with a disciplined and motivated approach,

Life was fun; the party of a lifetime…Yet, today, I seem to have a purpose in life, of which I am eminently proud of. I have taken the road 'less traveled by'. I do not know whether 'it will make all the difference' but I will be contented if it makes some!